Medicating to tolerate my family.

Yeah, it’s true. It’s sad and it’s true.

I am so thankful for anxiety medications these days.

I’ve spent a lot of time in my life being pushed around. By my family, by teachers, by bosses, by those who I thought were friends, by strangers… by basically everyone. Thing is, I’m not that girl anymore. I’m not that girl who accepts being pushed around.

The problem with fighting back is, when it’s your family you often aren’t allowed to fight back. I can’t just stand up and start swinging punches when my dad decides he’s going to be an alcoholic bully. I can’t just refuse to acknowledge their presence when they piss me off. I have to be ‘bigger than that’, ‘for the sake of the family’. Ugh. Family guilt is for real.

How do you tolerate your family when they’re racist assholes? Why should you have to tolerate your family when they’re racist assholes. And oh my fucking hell, my father is such a misogynist.

I’m just over today.